It’s not even
been 24 hours and I miss her soooo much already....
So many times today I was asked, "What happened to Big
Mama"? I'm still shaking my head
trying to sort it all out myself, it's crazy! She had been doing really well
until around September 8th, which was a Sunday. I had talked to her that
day and asked why she didn't attend church and she said that she just didn't
feel well. She and my brother were in Ashland City at her house with my
brothers little boy, Peyton just like they are every Sunday - Tuesday. This particular
week I hadn't seen her all week. Steven, my brother, was off work the
first week in September, and he said he would stay with her to kind of
"give me a break". I've basically been with her between 4-6
days every week since leaving Make-A-Wish back in November. I took this
as a time to get some stuff done that I've needed to do for Dreams & Wishes
and some stuff around the house. We were in the process. Had I had known I was giving up my last week
with her; I would not have never done it. We talked several times
throughout the week that she wasn’t here.
My birthday
was Monday
the 9th and I didn't hear from her, which was odd. Steven called me Monday
evening and said that she had been sleeping for several hours in her recliner and
each time he checked on her she told him she was fine and wanted to rest.
He eventually forced her to go to bed and she was unable to walk so he
carried her....this is not normal for her. Remember, this is a lady who
LOVES to be on the go! She didn't like to sit around the house, she
wanted to be at the Senior Center playing Bingo, or walking around the store, basically
she wanted to be anywhere but sitting around doing nothing. My sister had
taken her 2 weeks prior to her husband's parents’ house where they went 4-wheeling!
Yep, my sister’s husband Shane took her on a 10 mile 4-wheeling ride and
she LOVED it! Naturally when Steven told me how she was acting, I
immediately said he needed to call for help. Pat and I met her in
Nashville at the hospital. The ambulance driver seemed somewhat irritated
that I requested transport to the hospital. Typically once people hear
her that she is 83 and about her multiple medical problems, they think what we
see as abnormal activity from her is normal for an elderly person with a little
dementia. I can't tell you how many times I told the doctors and nurses
that this is NOT normal for her, she is a VERY active person. I got the
question about her being from a nursing home quite a few times too.
To make a
super long hospital story shorter, she was admitted and after days of getting
better, declining, getting better and then declining again, we were told that
not only does she have the conditions we knew about (Congestive Heart Failure,
Atrial Fibrillation, and only 1 kidney) she has Pneumonia and is Sepsis. By the
time they finally figured out what was wrong with her, her kidney had shut
down. On
Thursday they didn't really give us much hope for recovery.
Knowing how much she hated being in the hospital I asked her if she wanted to
go home, of course she said yes! I gave her the option of my house or
hers and she chose my house. Once I had approval, or so I thought, from
the hospital I told her that she was going home on Friday morning. She was so
excited. I really think that turned her attitude around and gave her something
to look forward to, a hope of getting out of the hospital. Of course none
of us ever mentioned that going home meant Hospice being called and she would
not survive but I think she knew. She told me "I know people come
down here to die", and I explained that the reason she saw so many people
transporting in and out of ICU was they were getting better, and that she
wasn't there to die....she was going home! Brandi, my sister, stayed the
night on Thursday and I came to the hospital first thing Friday morning. Brandi said
they talked for hours and that she was so excited about leaving the hospital on
Friday. On my way there Brandi called me with excitement and said that the
Cardiologist was shocked that we were taking her home on Hospice because over
the past several hours she was making a turn around, her labs looked better,
her vitals looked better and over all she was looking really good. Once I
arrived I saw that yes, she did look good.
She was talking and the monitor showed good stats. The hospital doctor came in and confirmed
what Brandi had told me the Cardiologist had stated earlier. He said he agreed
with the Cardiologist and that his recommendation was that she STAY in the
hospital and that they wanted to move her out of the ICU and there was even
talk about a Kidney specialist coming in to talk about possible
Dialysis.......we were both like wow!! Our heads were spinning, the
entire family had just spent 24 hours crying and made peace with the face that
she was leaving our lives and now they are saying she's getting better.....wow!
A part of me knew this was a surge....I’ve seen it and many times. We were happy to go with the fact that it was
a miracle, she was getting better despite the fact that less than 24 hours ago
her BP was 56/something and that we were told if we didn't vent her she
wouldn't live. Brandi and I told her
that the doctor said she was doing so well that they want her to stay longer.
She looked heart broken. My sister and I kept telling her it was a
good thing and that she was doing so good and we were sooo happy for her.
Brandi went home to get a shower and I swear it wasn't 30 minutes later
that she started crashing. Her BP was dropping fast. She gripped the bed rails and was crying and looked
scared. I asked her if she was okay and
she said no, I’m having a hard time breathing. I got the nurse and we
tried comforting her....she had such difficulty breathing and it was literally
breaking my heart! I hated for her to
see tears rolling down my face as I tried speaking to her. I called my sister and told her to get back
to the hospital ASAP! What really broke my heart is that during all of
this scary stuff and her having such a difficult time breathing she asked me
"am. I. still. going......" and I said "to my house" and
she shook her head yes and I said YES!! You are still leaving this hospital
and coming home to my house!!! It was such a sad moment, here she is with
a BP of 68/37 and all she wants to know is if she is going to get to leave the hospital!
I swear I wanted to go find that doctor and literally choke him!!!
Forty-five minutes hadn't passed since he told us she had improved
remarkably ....she's going to a new unit and they want to start putting her in
a chair to get her out of ben and ….what the hell!??! I had just called
all of the family to tell them she was doing great….now I’m calling them less
than an hour later to say that she is literally dying and get here ASAP! Our heads were all spinning! Her
BP and Oxygen levels were up and down all day. My niece and I spent the
night with her and she was pretty stable all night yet her speech was declining
drastically. I thought long and hard about all that had happened and
called the nurse into her room before the 7:00 am shift change. I told her
that my grandmother had continued to ask both me and my sister several times
during the day and evening if she could still go home. I'm not a doctor
but in my opinion she could do what was going on at home waaay more comfortably
than she could at the hospital. The nurse said it was the thing to do and
suggested I call her PCP to get the ball rolling. I started making phone
calls to Hospice, her physician, the medical equipment company, and basically I
pestered everyone until they made this happen. Her PCP told me this morning
that he was so happy we got her home over the weekend and he really was shocked
because he thought it couldn't get done in such short notice, especially with
her needing medical equipment. I was going
to make sure that didn't die in her most hated place, the hospital. It
took 9 hours to make it happen but she was coming home!
Big Mama arrived at our house on
Saturday around 4pm and bless her heart, I'm glad they had her
super doped up on Morphine! I thought for sure the ambulance guys were
going to drop her off the gurney getting her into my house. She had one
bumpy entrance!! She was pretty out of it but did open her eyes a few
times and mumbled a little bit throughout the day. Her pain level was
high so we decided the best thing to do was not be selfish and keep her as
comfortable on meds as possible. She had a good night and so many people
were able to come say their good byes on
Sunday. Even though she wasn't able to open her eyes or
speak we feel like she knew she was in her own room and she felt the love from everyone.
By Sunday
evening she started choking on her meds when we gave them to her. Hospice
came back out with a pump and suction which was a lifesaver! We made sure
she was comfortable and once the med pump was started, my sister and her family
left. I think I went to bed about
2:30ish with the baby monitor by my head so I could keep an eye on her during
the night and hear what was going on. My sleep schedule is so messed up
right now I was up again before 6. I went into her room and moved her
pillows around a little and brushed her hair, rubbed her arms and legs and put
her Vaseline on her lips telling her I was getting her lips ready for Paw Paw
like I did every time I put Vaseline on her lips.
My uncle
called around 7 to check on her and I had just laid back down. During the
conversation Dr. Jones called to see how she was doing and to tell me how happy
he was that I made it happen and that she was home. While on the phone with him, I checked
her breathing and let him know she was taking about 4-5 seconds between each
breath. He said that this could go on a few more days, maybe even a week
but he felt like and prayed that it would end soon. We all knew she would
not want to be in the condition she was in and all we could do was hope for the
Lord to call her home. I called my uncle
back and let them know how she was and checked her breathing again. This
time it was a little faster. This is behavior that we had been experiencing
for the past several days, fast breathing one minute and then it taking several
seconds for her to take the next breath. I gave her some anxiety medicine,
kissed her on the head and told her that I loved her and once again told her it
was okay to go see Paw Paw and that we all really wanted her to go and that we
all hate seeing her like she was. I went back to bed and Pat was getting
ready for work. Even though I was both physically and mentally exhausted I
couldn’t sleep. I had the monitor right
by my head and kept looking at it just thinking about how she much she would
hate being in the condition she was in. Pat got out of the shower and I
asked him to go check on her. I could see him on the monitor
looking.....and looking and getting closer and my heart just about stopped.
He called for me to come in the room and I knew what he was going to say.
I looked at her and confirmed that yes, she had gained her wings and had
gone to be with Paw Paw. Something that she has wanted since he passed
away 2 years ago this past August. I knew this time was coming, I prayed
that it would come sooner than later yet it was so sad. Just seeing her
lifeless body lying there was awful! Even more awful was calling family to tell
them the news. Thankfully Pat hadn't left for work before she passed and
he was with me to help me until my sister arrived to help. We made all of
the phone calls which wasn’t fun explaining what happened numerous times. Hospice came, cleaned her up and called the
funeral home. Just seeing them take her body out the front door was.....I
can't even describe the feeling of emptiness and sadness.
My uncle was on his way back down from KY and we all met at the funeral home in
Ashland City to finalize her arrangements. Thankfully she and Uncle Ken
had already picked out a casket a few years ago. I don't know that I
could have been a part of that today. Everything is all set and
visitation services will start on
Tuesday afternoon with burial on Thursday at 11am.
I really just want to say that I appreciate all of the prayers you guys have
had for my family and all of your kind words. The next few days...and
even weeks and months will be extremely difficult for all of us. She has
been such a significant part of my life and the life of our family....it's going
to be so hard not having her here with us. It breaks my heart just to
walk by her bedroom and see the empty hospital bed and oxygen machine. I want
to cry when I walk outside and see the garage that we were turning into a min
apartment for her, something that she was so excited about. I ask that you please keep my family in your
prayers and although we are super sad that she has left us we do know that she
is so happy because she is with the love of her life, Paw Paw and she is in a
much better place than suffering here with us.
And as I said in my last blog, please remember this. No one knows when our last day will be with
our loved ones. You never hear anyone that’s lost a loved one say
that they spent too much money on that loved one, only that they would give all the money in the world just to have
them back.
Big Mama and Peyton last Thursday
OBITUARY
ELDRIDGE, Margaret Jean, age 82,
passed away on September 16, 2013. She is preceded in death by her
parents, Monroe W. Huddleston and Annie Arteburn Huddleston and daughter,
Carolyn Hudson. She is survived by her sons, Kenneth Marlin and Roy
Marlin; brothers, Robert Huddleston and Glenn Huddleston; grandchildren, Tanya
Sturm, Joseph Donahue, Brandi Hodge, Robert Donahue, Steven Hudson, Christopher
Marlin, Kevin Marlin, Ashley Hardin and Shelly Hardin and 8
great-grandchildren.
Funeral service will be held on Thursday, September 19,
2013, at 11am in the Chapel of Cheatham County Funeral Home with
Brother Sam Creed officiating. Burial will follow in Ever Rest Memorial
Gardens in Pleasant View, TN. Visitation with the family will be Tuesday, September 17,
2013, from 4pm to 8pm, Wednesday, from 4pm-7pm and on Thursday from 9am until service hour of 11am.
Serving as pallbearers will be family and friends.
In lieu of flowers donations may be
made to Dreams and Wishes of Tennessee, PO Box 8383, Nashville, TN 37076.
